I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize