So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
