Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize