Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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