hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
