Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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