it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
