I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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