Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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