Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
