actually, I'm a sock model
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
