im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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