This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
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We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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