I want to make a zoo with you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
