I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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