just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
