Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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