a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
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You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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