What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
