Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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