He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
