Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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