I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize