It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
