It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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