i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
