before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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