Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
