Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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