There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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