There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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