I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Come see our sink grown plant.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
