super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
