period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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