I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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