does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
