He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
