Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
