I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
