I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We had sex on a dog bed..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
