just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
