ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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