youre lurking in front of me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
