Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.