omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage