Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.