I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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