For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
