Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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