Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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