The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
