I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
