So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
