Someone shit on the floor
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
