honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
