I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am naked and annoyed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
