Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
