this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
