I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
