i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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