Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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