Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
