Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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