I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
