That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
