found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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